Again, since you only have a limited number of pages, you may choose to focus on one particular volcano or one particular eruption, rather than trying to talk about volcanoes in general. Although, throwing away (‘throwing away’ can have the same meaning as ‘throwing in the rubbish bin’ so it would be better to rephrase this) things such as plastic bottles instead of putting them into a rubbish bin has a detrimental effect on the whole eco-system. How to write an essay for Cambridge C1 Advanced (CAE) - with a video, slideshow, and more. When I have time I critique them according to the examiners assessment scale and sometimes turn them into a video for my youtube channel. This will help with the Organisation marking criterion. This is a very well written essay. (Again the subject should be at the beginning of a sentence. This perception of the foreigner as a threat is a common one. In the words of Faithless, you can 'come 1' 😉 If you're tired, play their song, get up, jump around and then come back and complete the task with the example answer below the Faithless video... Download the hard copy here or write on the online template. The overall structure and organisation of the essay is fine. Your university has attended a conference titled ‘the greatest advantages of the internet for people in their everyday lives’. For example, say you are asked to write a 1-page essay about someone in your family. Now have a look at my corrections below and see if you have the same corrections as mine...it's possible there may be more than one correct answer, so feel free to contact me if you want to check...but BE SPECIFIC in your email! Support Me & Yourself By Becoming A Member >>. Beyond this, there are further steps that ought to be taken so that women can have a healthier and more positive sense of themselves. Organisation - 4 Accessibility is another factor affected by the Internet that has given birth to such modern concepts as teleworking, meaning working at home using a high-speed broadband Internet connection and in a rise in flexitime for workers. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. When you become proficient at this skill and when your thoughts resemble mine for all CAE writing samples you read, you will have a good idea what the examiners are looking for in the CAE writing paper and this will DRASTICALLY improve your marks in this part of the exam. Read the essay answer below and note down any mistakes you find in this document. An outline shows your main ideas and the order in which you are going to write about them. Learn about one of the world's oldest and most popular religions. What would be the most effective method to ensure this?Â, legislation. C1 Advanced Essay - Example Answer. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. Are the mistakes below the same as the ones you identified above? List the subordinate ideas below the main ideas. How to Write a Research Paper: Write a First Draft, Top Ten Closest U.S. Presidential Elections, State Abbreviations and State Postal Codes, This List of Favorite Islands will Make You Remember Why You Loved Poptropica So Much, Your teacher may assign you a topic or ask you to choose from among a few topics. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. I recommend reading the examiner's comments in detail, this will help you know exactly what the examiners are looking for when you're writing your essay. Communicative Achievement - 2 If you or your students don't have computers, follow these instructions: For homework you should write your own answer to the essay question above or you could write an answer to the essay question on this page. Infoplease is a reference and learning site, combining the contents of an encyclopedia, a dictionary, an atlas and several almanacs loaded with facts. From a very yo… Stating more explicitly why improved communication is a good thing, or why your points about accessibility are not as important as your points about communication. Language - 3. These benefits far outweigh any negative effects and prove the value of immigrants as they pursue the American Dream in our "nation of immigrants". It is no wonder that American women are obsessed with thinness. Remember 1 is the worst mark and 5 is the best. Errors are harder to spot on a computer screen than on paper. You can write your corrections on this worksheet. Organisation - 3 Need a reference? Is there anything you wonder about or are puzzled about with regard to that subject? Now we're going to look at what the real examiner thought about this essay. A couple like this would effectively be searching for their ideal child in a catalog, almost as if they were deciding on a mail order purchase; and what would happen if the child, in spite of its genetic advantages, turned out to be a bit of a flop? Learn more about the mythic conflict between the Argives and the Trojans. Women with these proportions hardly ever appear in clothing or cosmetic advertisements. ‘Spaces’ and ‘events’ at the beginning of the sentence and then say what you can do with these things). ‘spaces for kids to play can be built’. Keep writing for a short but specific amount of time, say 3–5 minutes. From a very young age, it is emphasized to women how important it is to be pretty, and to be pretty by society’s standards means being thin. You should also say why you gave it your score 1-5. Our editors update and regularly refine this enormous body of information to bring you reliable information. Every essay or paper is made up of three parts: The introduction is the first paragraph of the paper. You could then re-iterate this main idea in the conclusion. While reading the answer, you should write down any mistakes you find here, along with their corrections.. You have made the notes below: Advantages of the internet in everyday life I highly recommend having a look at my CAE writing samples book as well. Genetic engineering has been one of the most controversial ethical issues since 1997, when the world first heard of Dolly, the first successfully cloned sheep. This comes down to flow and organization as well as communicative achievement. The body of the paper follows the introduction. By raising your level of academic writing, this course helps prepare you for college-level work. Okay, so the information above means we need to find the most important issues with regard to a topic and back these up with reasons, extra points and extra ideas if you can think of them. Once you have completed the template above, you should read my notes below and compare my feedback with yours. The present essay (it might be better to say 'the purpose of this essay is to discuss…') will be aimed at discussing which are the greatest advantages of the Internet in our everyday lives. There are a lot of different cohesive devices used. ‘keep in touch’. "Holding the target reader's attention" is important for the Communicative Achievement criterion. Your points are communicated in a clear manner and they are easy to understand. What interests you most about a particular subject? The question tells us to only talk about two of the facilities. Since you only have a limited number of pages, you may want to focus on one particular characteristic of that person, or one particular incident from that person's life, rather than trying to write about that person's entire life. iii. Remember, spell checkers and grammar checkers don't always catch errors, so it is best not to rely on them too much. What people need to realize is that immigrants contribute more in taxes than they draw out in welfare services. You should follow a clear structure with a good flow. Look for careless errors such as misspelled words and incorrect. Since you only have a limited number of pages, you may want to focus on one particular characteristic of that person, or one particular incident from that person's life, rather than trying to write about that person's entire life. By putting more into the system than they take out, they are, in fact, raising the quality of life of those dependant of the social services. It consists of a number of paragraphs in which you develop your ideas in detail. This would be a pass in the exam as the pass mark is 24/40. Some of those who want to close our borders insist that this is necessary to preserve our nation from foreign influences. ‘Events can be organised’). This will competely undermine the old ideal of our fundamental human equality and the idea that each individual should have a chance of rising to the top of society. tougher laws, we would achieve amazing results. Have somebody else read the paper and tell you if there's anything that's unclear or confusing. How to Write a CAE Proposal. The question asks you to give ‘reasons’ to support your answer. Taking into consideration the previous ideas we can conclude that whereas the global percentage of teleworkers all around the world is still excessively low in comparison with real commuters, access to the Internet and communication-based applications are nowadays considerably more extensive than in the past ded and therefore technology has affected how most people communicate and in a deeper way, it has enriched our daily lives.". If we were more considerate of the urban environment, we would be able to achieve amazing results in terms of reducing pollution. Check your spam mail! Clear paragraphs help to keep the reader's attention as well. 'investment from local authorities are...' (it's probably more than 1 local authority and even if it is just one you would need to use an article ‘a/the’ before ‘local authority’).Â, There are 6 sample essays with corrections and critique in my new book...take a look >>. Councillors often do everything they can to sustain, care about the environment at all. Brush up on your geography and finally learn what countries are in Eastern Europe with our maps. I'd also like you to read the essay (page 38) below which is based on the question above and give it a mark from one to five for each of the 4 marking criteria below. The introduction is quite long and would be better if you mention more closely which of the two main notes you will address in the rest of the essay. How can I send your free e-book and other useful English information? When I read through the essay above, I noticed there were some specific mistakes with the language and so I've written these down here. Do some more brainstorming and see what else you can come up with. They might be connected with spelling, grammar or whether the phrase is not very easy to understand. If you have a CAE/FCE writing task you would like me to consider marking and critiquing in a future article, you should complete the form on this Cambridge writing exam page. Revised: The eruption of Mt. If you got the same marks for part 2 you would get 28/40. Since many American women will go to extraordinary lengths to be thin, the only solution for this growing problem is to attempt to understand why it has become such an obsession. If you are confused by some of the terminology above, it explains most of these words and their meanings in more detail on pages 37 and 38 of the Handbook for Teachers: https://www.cambridgeenglish.org/images/167804-cambridge-english-advanced-handbook.pdf. Our privacy practices. You may be asked to find a topic on your own. Here is a question which one of my students sent to me recently. For these and for other reasons it is clear that genetic engineering in humans would be immoral. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Write your answer in 220-260 words in an appropriate style. You have an extra 40 words to use before you hit the maximum word limit which could be put towards making a stronger argument for this second note.Â. If you type your paper on a computer, print out a copy to proofread. There is a range of vocabulary used to good effect, for example when expressing opinions: There are also some good formal linking words and expressions, “Another way... would be…”. If you want to find out more about what marks you need in order to pass the exam, have a look at page 5 of this document. This means don't write so much that you have irrelevant information and don't write too little that information is missing. One method would be to stop purchasing the very fashion magazines that have been allowed to define femininity. It is no wonder that American women are obsessed with thinness. Your main argument is to improve public services and while you state funding “would contribute to the decrease in air pollution and noise” you do not progress this idea in any way.Â. This means don't write so much that you have irrelevant information and don't write too little that information is missing. Although there might be a few cases where a very limited form of genetic engineering might be justifiable on purely medical grounds, it is to be hoped that we will never allow parents to start picking and choosing the genetic make-up of their loved ones. Find out more or accept: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThUxDdNpyUk, How Examiners Grade C1 Advanced Writing Exam Paper: CAE Marking Criteria (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThUxDdNpyUk), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFEbPoj96vo, How To Pass C1 Advanced CAE Writing Part 1 Essays (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFEbPoj96vo), https://shop.swiss-exams.ch/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Advanced.pdf, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65EfTFUFDwI, Faithless - We Come 1 (Official Video) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65EfTFUFDwI), https://www.cambridgeenglish.org/images/167804-cambridge-english-advanced-handbook.pdf. According to the same poll, sixty-two percent of non-blacks and fifty-nine percent of blacks agreed "immigrants use more than their fair share of government services, such as welfare, medical care, and food stamps." I have awarded the essay the following marks: Content - 3 Here is an example essay question from page 33 of the Cambridge English Advanced Handbook for teachers: https://shop.swiss-exams.ch/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Advanced.pdf. Learn more about the world with our collection of regional and country maps. For example, you may be asked to. I think you could also reiterate in the conclusion why improving public services is more important than legislation. I mention all these terminology while critiquing 21 CAE writings. That view was highlighted by a recent poll, according to which sixty-two percent of non-blacks and sixty-three percent of blacks agreed that "new immigrants take jobs away from American workers." Facts, figures, and statistics must be studied by both sides in order to reach a decision most beneficial to our nation. (Don't try to talk about more than one idea per paragraph.). The labor situation is improved by the new jobs created by immigrants, the social service funds bolstered by their tax payments, and the valuable technical skills and knowledge brought with them. The average American woman is 5’4”, a size 12, and 155 pounds. Pinatubo in June 1991. You will probably throw out most of it, but some of what you've written may give you an idea you can develop. If the government put a huge amount of money into funding new electric buses, it, would contribute to the decrease in air pollution and noise.Â, To sum up, I think the advantages of the second solution, those which are mentioned in the first one. Last … According to a recent study, implementing tougher laws can result in disrespect for the local council. Okay so hopefully you've read the comments above, so now I would like to show you some of the bits which I thought were really important from these comments: This means the person answered all parts of the question. If you write your essay on computer you can submit it via my Cambridge writing exam service and if I have time I will put your essay on my website with some of my feedback and my marks. If you do not understand what you are being asked to do, check with your teacher. This blatant message is seen everywhere. Then mark the essay from one to five for each of the 4 marking criteria on the template below. The language is slightly informal for an essay at times, e.g. Some more complicated grammatical structures have been used, for example the second conditional “If we were...we would be…” but it would be good to see a bit more variety here. If you can think like the examiner then you will get much better marks in the essay. Infoplease is part of the FEN Learning family of educational and reference sites for parents, teachers and students. We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. Make sure you have completed the examiners template with your own thoughts before continuing with this page. I have written some examples in the ‘corrections’ above. However, it needs to be remembered that immigrants bring with them valuable technical knowledge and skills, as well as being fifty percent more likely to have post-graduate qualifications than Americans. You can say ‘sustain this diverse system in a clean way’, or you could simply replace the word ‘sustain’ with the word ‘keep’) this diverse system clean but not messy (‘messy’ is a slightly informal/colloquial word).